My Baby Hates Christmas

No, she's not a Muslim
or a Hindu or a Jew.
She's a regular middle-American Christian,
like me and you and...
(I guess not you).
She goes to church
and she says her prayers.
She's a fan of Jesus Christ.
But every year I fear she'll lose it
and a Santa will get sliced.

'cause my baby
hates Christmas.
She hates it like it kicked her dog.
She hates it like it stole her lollypop.
She hates it like it killed her Ma.
She hates it like it took the last piece of bacon
that she needed for her BLT.
Yeah, my baby
hates Christmas
like Christmas
was me.

Yeah, my baby
hates Christmas.
She hates it like it screwed her man.
She hates it like it gave her VD.
She hates it like it burned her ham.
She hates it like showed up late to the party
in the very same dress as she.
Yeah, my baby
hates Christmas
like Christmas
was me.